Seasoned with salt

Colossians 3:18-4:6

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.

Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

I woke up this morning, two hours later than I intended, after a wonderful and exhausting weekend.  “You are my sunshine” drifted up from the kitchen, each note sliding into place in my head until it formed into a recognizable tune.  I was startled to find Thomas picking the banjo where I expected Anthony, and it took me a few seconds to realize what I was seeing.  As I stumbled toward the coffee maker and began to prepare my morning brew, Thomas started in on telling me about this great new thing he’d discovered.  I’m almost certain that it made sense.  Seeing the baffled look on my face, and sharing in his brother’s excitement, Anthony joined in the explanation.  Two people were then gabbling at a high pitch what were most likely perfectly coherent statements, well articulated and full of meaning.  I blinked slowly, pointed to the pot in my hand that held fresh, clean water, and said nothing.  They laughed and left for work, with mumbled good wishes for their day trailing after them.

Relationships are difficult.  Even and maybe especially when they are relationships with people you love.  There are times when we are very caught up in ourselves and unable to see the other person’s point of view, or when we simply don’t care about the other’s point of view.  Since we love the other person, we want to feel loved by them.  We demand more from those we love, or from those that we are in a consistent relationship with, and so we are more hurt when we don’t receive what we feel we deserve.

People who know me know that I’m a moderate to severe grump.  I started on the road to being a curmudgeon as soon as I learned the word.  I was about 17.  The same people who know me to be grumpy also know that I care tremendously about people and under the right circumstances am even able to express it.  This morning I woke up to find two people that I love in my house, making sounds and expecting me to process information two minutes after I woke up.  They also know that these are less than ideal conditions for me.

To celebrate what God has done in my life in the last few years, I will point out that I didn’t yell at them and I wasn’t even annoyed by them.  Hurrah.  What’s more impressive is that when I reminded them gently that I had just woken up and needed my coffee, their response was to laugh.  There was that recognition, “Oh yeah, Dan’s brain isn’t on yet.”  And rather than slowing down what they were saying or in some other way insisting on being heard, which they both knew I would be unable to offer at the moment, they just went on with their day and didn’t demand anything from me.  It was a very small selfless act, but it was selfless nonetheless.

What St. Paul does in this passage is give us guidelines for how to be kind and selfless in relationships.  He isn’t telling us “This is all you need to do in order to please God.”  Rather, he’s illustrating the principles he had been instructing the church on in the earlier paragraphs.  Namely the principles of putting to death the old self and letting love rule in all relationships.  As someone that loves people and yet finds relationships with them very difficult to navigate, I think it will be valuable for me to explore what he says a little more deeply.

The over-arching principle described here seems to be this:  Put Christ in the place of everyone.  Treat each person as you would treat the Lord if he were in that position.  This could get a little hairy if we think that means “worship everyone”, but if we remember the incarnation it will get a little easier.  Particularly if we remember Mary and Joseph, who were charged with raising their boy who happened to be actually the Lord.  They were still his parents and treated their son as a parent ought to treat a child.  Their relationship was not simply one of servant to lord, as our relationships with one another are not simply one thing.  (Incidentally, I can’t wait for an opportunity to meditate in a post on how great St. Joseph was.  We are quick to celebrate the Blessed Virgin, and we ought to.  Joseph was the man chosen to raise the Christ, to stand as his earthly Father, knowing full well that Jesus was not the son of his body.  He was called to be Jesus’ adoptive father, and he did it faithfully.  That’s worth dwelling on.)

So how do I apply the principle and examples described in this passage?  Not being married, I don’t intend to spend too much time on the marriage portions.  But for the sake of those reading, I will say one or two things.  First is the reminder that this is only a portion of the relationship.  So when wives are told to submit to their husbands, they are not being told that their entire relationship will be one of submitting to every whim of their husbands and nothing more.  When husbands are told not to be harsh with their wives, Paul is not saying that the entire relationship will be one of management or criticism where the husband has the option of being cruel or being kind.  He’s drawing out one aspect of the relationship and giving an example of how to treat the other as Christ in that situation, and how to put the old self to death.  Are you being asked to do something reasonable that you are naturally resistant to doing?  Put your old self to death, think less of your own dignity and more of the other’s, and submit.  Are you tired and frustrated because it’s been a long day where incredible demands have been placed on you and coming home to your place of rest and security only to find more demands being placed on you?  Put your old self to death, put on love, bridle your tongue, and don’t be harsh.  For the moment I’ll consider this solely from the angle of a relationship where the other person is not being unreasonable or ungodly.  We’ll get to the other side later.

What is of particular interest to me right now, in light of my own working situation and in light of the social injustices that have been dominant in the news lately, is how we approach relationships between those in power and those without power.  I am certain that more can be said than I will say.

In working life, it is often tempting to do only what is required and not a whit more.  We are offended if asked to do something beyond our job description and even tempted to demand more pay as compensation for the extra duties.  When we do go beyond, it is often out of ambition.  We want to get a promotion or a raise and believe that by being exemplary employees we will achieve this.  So we often do good work out of purely selfish motives.  Or we refuse to do good work out of purely selfish motives.

What Paul recommends here is to work as if we are working for the Lord.  Put Jesus in the place of your boss.  If Jesus asks me to do something extra, I’m not likely to get upset and tell him no.  Why not?  Because I love him immensely.  Another hour of work to help him out won’t seem like a big deal, even if I am tired.  And I’ll want to do my best work for him, not to impress him, but just to make him happy.  We ought to treat our employers in this way, doing good work for their benefit, not for ours.  And the Lord, for whom we are in fact working, will reward us for the good work we do.

To masters, or to those in power, Paul’s words are shorter but I feel much stronger.  Masters are told to treat their servants justly and fairly.  He doesn’t deny that the relationship of master to servant exists and he doesn’t even claim that it shouldn’t exist.  In the world there will be some in power and others not in power.  It isn’t the master’s job to give up his power, but to use his power well.  He should use his power to ensure justice (which is the opposite of oppression) and fairness.  He should not take advantage of his staff or place unreasonable demands on them.  He should do all he is able to ensure that his power does not chaff those placed under him.  As the Lord’s yoke is easy and burden light, so we ought to make our yokes and burdens for those under us.

The statement to masters gets its hard edge at the end.  “Knowing that you also have a master in heaven.”  The apostle says here to everyone in authority, “Remember, you are not the one in authority.  Your power is temporary and limited, and you will be held accountable for how you use it.”  If I am a master that abuses my servants and I remember that I have a master who insists that servants not be abused, I’m likely to start trembling for the outcome of that annual review.  When I’m forced to explain why I’ve been managing in a way contrary to what my boss told me, I’m probably going to face some pretty harsh consequences.  I might even lose my job.  So be careful, all of us in power, to remember those who are not.

How do we in the majority treat those in the minority?  How do we treat the poor, the oppressed, those whose only social difference is their skin color?  Do we treat them with dignity?  Do we recognize that they have been placed in a subordinate position in our society or do we deny it?  Do we treat people with the dignity they deserve?  Do we blame the poor for their poverty?  Do we blame the criminal when he is abused or killed by the police?  Do we make excuses for those in power when they are oppressive or unfair?  Be careful.  We have a master in heaven.  And our master loves the poor and oppressed.  He’s going to call us to account for our actions and our inaction, for both our deeds and thoughts.  Love the poor.  Do not simply treat each person as Christ would treat him, but treat him as you would Christ.

So how do we as employees, as spouses, as children, as parents respond when the other party in the relationship is not reasonable or is abusive?  I’m going to begin with the easiest one to answer, because all of the other ones are incredibly difficult.

As an employee, when my employer is abusive I still have to do my work as if I were working for Christ, as in fact I am.  I have to do my work well, or to the best of my ability, even when his demands are unreasonable.  However, given the culture we live in, I do not have to stay in that job.  I am not in fact a slave who has no option but to serve the master that owns me.  I have some choice in whether I will serve this master or another.  But as long as I am in a working relationship with my employer, I must honor that relationship.  I am not allowed to spitefully do shoddy work in order to teach my boss that he ought to treat me better.  Often, refusing to be spiteful (submitting) can be very difficult.  I want to treat others the way they are treating me, which means that I want to abuse those who are being abusive.  That isn’t the Lord’s way.  So for as long as I am in a job, I must do that job as for the Lord, as I would for an employer who treats me well, even when he doesn’t.

For all the others, the abusive marriage or the relationship with an abusive parent?  It’s more difficult.  We have all had relationships with people who will constantly take advantage of us.  No matter what we do, the other person will not change.  It is obvious that it is not acceptable to start mistreating the person who mistreats us.  But is it acceptable to leave?  I’m not wise enough to give an answer to that question. 

Some who are wiser than I have said that there are situations where ending the relationship is the best for all the parties.  There are other situations where we are encouraged to stay in the relationship and bear the mistreatment.  Paul speaks in another place about believers married to unbelievers.  He tells them to remain with their spouse, and so maybe win their spouse for the Lord.  But if the unbelieving spouse leaves, they are not bound to stay with their spouse.  (This isn’t saying that a marriage to an unbeliever is dissolved if the unbeliever leaves; it’s simply saying that the believer doesn’t have to insist on living with their unbelieving spouse if he or she leaves.  All of the standard laws about marriage and divorce still apply.  There is some dispute over this, but I’m fairly certain that this is accurate.)  So there are situations where we should stay in the negative relationship and some where we should not.  I will leave it to the wise to determine which is which.

There is this comfort given us, though: “The wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.”  When we are called or in some way forced to be in an abusive relationship, we are to love as Christ.  It is not ours to punish.  But the wrongdoer will receive his reward for his wrongdoing when he is called to account.  And for doing right, you will receive the inheritance for your reward.

Bringing it back to general principles of our daily relationships:  “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”  Salt makes an offering sacred.  So the graciousness of our speech makes it sacred.  Let the Holy Spirit be in everything you say, so that you may be wise and loving in your relationships.  And love one another, as the Lord.