When I awake

Psalm 17

Hear my plea of innocence, O LORD;

   give heed to my cry;

   listen to my prayer, which does not come from lying lips.

Let my vindication come forth from your presence;

   let your eyes be fixed on justice.

Weigh my heart, summon me by night,

   melt me down; you will find no impurity in me.

I give no offense with my mouth as others do;

   I have heeded the words of your lips.

My footsteps hold fast to the ways of your law;

   in your paths my feet shall not stumble.

I call upon you, O God, for you will answer me;

   incline your ear to me and hear my words.

Show me your marvelous loving-kindness,

   O Savior of those who take refuge at your right hand

   from those who rise up against them.

Keep me as the apple of your eye;

   hide me under the shadow of your wings,

From the wicked who assault me,

   from my deadly enemies who surround me.

They have closed their heart to pity,

   and their mouth speaks proud things.

They press me hard,

   now they surround me,

   watching how they may cast me to the ground,

Like a lion, greedy for its prey,

   and like a young lion lurking in secret places.

Arise, O LORD; confront them and bring them down;

   deliver me from the wicked by your sword.

Deliver me, O LORD, by your hand

   from those whose portion in life is this world;

Whose bellies you fill with your treasure,

   who are well supplied with children

   and leave their wealth to their little ones.

But at my vindication I shall see your face;

   when I awake, I shall be satisfied, beholding your likeness.

I am not a righteous man.

Deliver me, O Lord, from those whose portion in life is this world.  Deliver me from the longing for a belly full of treasure, from the longing for children, from the urge to secure an inheritance for my namesake.  Lead me away from the pursuit of my momentary cravings and my deepest desires.

Turn my eyes from those things that I do not have.  When I am tired, may I never dwell on the work I do for long hours and little pay.  May I never wallow in loneliness or a perception of disconnectedness.  Let me forget the dreams of what I could be doing.

Although I have dreamed of the family I ought to have by now, the wife, the children, and the house of our own, I would leave that dream behind.  Help me, Lord, not to live in the life that I have only wished for.

May I find joy in the joy of others.  May their happiness never become an occasion for my despair.

Wipe from my mind the wrongs that have been done to me.  Help me to forgive.  Teach me not to regret those things I never received.  Show me the falsehood of the lies on which I have feasted.  Lord, help me to forgive.

Take from me the wrongs that I have done, the cruelties and injustices that I have committed.  Father, help me to forgive.  Help me to accept forgiveness.

Show me what it means to walk with you.  Lead me away from collecting knowledge or prestige or a catalog of works as if by them I were buying your favor.  Help me to trust you, Lord.  Help my unbelief.

Nothing in this life is sufficient to meet my deepest needs, as much as I might chase after them all.  What I have, what I do not have; no change in these would make a difference.  What sin I have grievously committed, time after time, and what has been committed against me; these do not alter who I am in you.  If all in my life were different and all my dreams had come true, if all of the past could be changed and all of the future laid out at my direction, it still would not suffice.

I am not a righteous man.  But my Savior is righteous, and he has made me his son and granted me his righteousness.  So on that day, by his blood and in his name, I will be vindicated.  I will see your face when I awake.  Then Lord, then Father, I will be satisfied.